Favourite Colour Gray

 She was truly alone. There was no one like her, no one who truly understood her. This was pleasing. It was lonely. It was what she knew. She had given up on trying to explain herself. She had stopped looking for people like her. She settled down and waited. People came and talked to her. They would have conversations that were boring and dull. They were tiring for her. She didn't like to exert energy on tasks such as sustaining conversation. Her mind was more useful else where. She'd thought of leaving, she was sure that there was better and that she could fine it. On her own. Because she was alone and independent specious that others found fascinating.They liked to watch her, observe her. Little did they know, she obverted them as well. She looked through the window of her hard shell. No one was ever allowed in. She was okay with herself. She loved herself. But no one would appreciate her true self, no one but ****** the one whom she had know her whole life, without ever realizing it. She was stuck, she wanted nothing more but to leave, but she was needed. She was the only who could save ***** protect *****. This wasn't what she wanted but it was her job. The job she couldn't quit. She couldn't be happy until ***** was and she knew it. She was content in being the thing that was constant and would always be there. She spent her time imagining what could be. How she  would one day finally live her life. She would sit and watch out the windows of her house and smile, happily imagining the coulds. For a while, until she looked around. She took out the plans she had made years ago containing the train and bus schedule from 1919. It was a tad late. But it was better then never. She walked to the door, suit case in hand. Smiling she opened the door. Taking in a breath of the fresh forest air around her. No one for miles, the solitude she had loved. Snow graced the ground with elegance she could no longer muster. Her small heel clicked out onto the porch, slipping on ice she fell. She never again stood, never again dreamed, never again thought about tomorrow,the adventures she was certain she would one day have never came.She never lived.

A Self-Luminous Celestial Body Consisting of a Mass of Gas

I had always seen myself as a star; I wanted to be a galaxy.

Twyla Tharp

“...And meanwhile the Galaxy ran through space and left behind those signs old and new and I still hadn't found mine.” 

― Italo Calvino, Cosmicomics 

“I am the Constellation of my own” 

― Oksana Rus 

“How does it feel to be a part of this beautifully ingenious design. I have faith that there is a chosen moment in which my soul will expand infinitely free from time and space. Some may find that foolish but I have reasons for my beliefs that are uniquely my own. There are hundreds of billions of galaxies making up the universe. Earth is only one planet of billions orbiting inside just one of these 500,000 billion or more galaxies. And I myself am one person. One of over seven billion people living on our dynamic little planet. Instead of being diluted by this infinitesimal proportion I accept it as a challenge and I use science to strengthen my spirituality. It provokes curiosity and redefines my view of logical thinking. I believe that existence is based on the exchange of energy and functionality. Energy is expended to carry out varying tasks ensuring the function of an organism. This is evident in every life form and has been the founding principle supporting lifetimes of discoveries. Energy is spent with purpose. I can't help but draw the conclusion that the energy required to create the universe itself was done so for a purpose. You and I were created with a purpose. -Tavia Rahki Smith”  

 Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.

Carl Sagan

Used & Abused

I care.
I care about you,
   like the little bird who flew.

I would carry you home,
   you would no longer need to roam.

I would lift you high,
   up to the sky.

I would be your wall,
   never let you fall.

I could be your friend.
   who's time you could spend.

I would have been the one you needed,
   I even pleaded.

I would have been the light,
   you know I'm right.

I did care.
I can't care,
   because I can no longer bare,
   your hateful glare.

Scared Yet?

Drip, Drip.
Try not to slip.

Undried blood,
Can cause a flood.

Swish, Swish,
Take another step, squish.

Decaying corpses,
They're truly gorgeous.

Crunch, Crunch,
Yum, quiet delicious for lunch.

Skin for bread,
Love to eat the dead.

Slurp, Slurp,
All done, burp.

UnCreated

    I lifted my face off the ground and sighed. Guess I passed out again. I looked up and I saw her, there she was, literally just standing above me, looking out into the mass of other shoppers with a deadly sneer on her face.
   "Um, Mel...."
   She spun quick on her heal and look down, " Jesus you scared the crap outa me!"
   "Couldn't be have as scary as the look you were giving the other customers," I rubbed my head and look around Macy's in a blurry daze.
   "You better believe it!" Mel said as she grabbed her arm and flexed.
Why do you always have to be so damn adorable!
   "Yea. It's kind of sad."
   "Whats sad!?" She said as she helped me up... kinda it's not the easiest thing for a 5 foot nothing girl weighing in at a whopping 100 pounds to to help up a 6'4", 220 pound guy.
   "That I passed out and you were the one... looking out for me..." I sighed and looked down.
   "Pshhhh! Come on! Let's go!"
   She grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the store, out of the corner of my eye I saw a tall slender pale figure with bright purple eyes. When I turned to get a better look she was gone. Nothing there but a wall. Musta hit my head pretty hard.
  She pulled me right into Spencers.
   "Why is it always this one?" I asked sarcastically.
   "Because, it's where the most attractive guys are!"
   "Yep, I definitely wanna be here," I said as she hit me.
   "Shut up!"
   And then he walked in, the guy with blonde hair and wasn't a giant. He walked in like he owned the damn place and he didn't give a crap about the entire store turning to watching just walk around looking at things. And! He was by himself! No one was with him but he acted like he has the whole Marine core with him. Great, just what Mel needs, another arrogant ass whole.
   "I'm hungry how about we go get some lunch?" I said trying to get Mel out of there.
   "Wait! Not yet," she said completely fixated on his face.
   It looked like his hair was fucking glowing! She glided over to his side and look at the wallets not even glancing at him. He didn't look at her either, he walked away. That's and unusually reaction for anyone to give Mel. Male or female. She puffed and then deliberately walked in front of him to the opposite wall. Still nothing from the guy, he didn't even blink. Mel was getting frustrated. She turned around walked up to him and stood staring at him in the right eyes. He blinked a few times then examined her face, big doe eyes, short and a perfect hair.
   She smiled a radiant smile and said, "Hi!"
   He chuckled. Looking down at her, but not too far down and sighed.
   "Are you looking for anything in particular? I'm just here with my friend Ian." She gestured to me and I just smiled and walked up beside her.
   He turned to me and offered his hand, "Nice to meet you, I'm Elliot." He gave me his complete attention, he seemed to stand up a little straighter and look up at me.
   A little flabbergasted I said, "nice to meet you," and took his hand.
   Mel's frustration radiating off of her she said, " and I'm Melody but, everyone calls me Mel." She giggled.
   His eyes seemed to glaze right over her. "I was just window shopping and was about to go get something to eat." He said looking at me.
   "We were just about to do that! How about we go together!" Mel said sad she slid between us and started towards the door.
   Naturally I followed.
   "Sure." He said exiting the store.

***

To Be Continued...

Out of the Lightning

She stuffed her belongings into the pink overnight bag, when was the last time she had boughten anything pink, tears streamed down her face and she sniffed. 

Breathing quietly she stepped out of her room and walked down the creaky stairs.  She step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white. 

She breathed out, wiped her eyes and watched the images her breath made in the cold. She took the first step. Then another. This was good. 

She plastered the fake smile onto her face and pulled out her phone. Good, her friends were waiting around the corner.

Who cares about the crumbling difference between wrong and right? She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she's walking on a wire in a circus. It was dangerous, but thats what she needed. She needed the danger without it, what would be left? 

She stood up straight and opened the car door. She was greeted with the squeals of her friends, 

"Mariaaaaa!!"

She laughed not a real laugh those were rare.

"Haii! Where are we going?"

"We're going to go cause ruckus!"

Good, a distraction. 

They pulled up in front of the house she had never seen before, no doubt this is where she'd be sleeping tonight. 

They all got out of the car.

Walked up to the door and a boy answered,  he's drunk, or high, or both.

He wasn't  particularly anything special but, she knew why they were there, he had connections, which means they did now too. 

It was making her laugh, making her not think about bad things,  or have trouble acting normal when she's nervous. 

It'a only temporary, a few hours at the most. 

She's more then just a little misunderstood,  maybe everyone is? This is normal. 

Everyone goes through this.

They're all smiling. 

She says it's only in my head, she says shhh, it's only in my head.

Then she looks up at the building and says, "I'm thinking of jumping."

Her friends laugh and she laughs too. 

At this point its all a joke. 

She's tired of life, she musty be tired of something. 

"Catch me if I'm falling", she says.

All of her friends tell her that they'll be there for her. 

They'll always be there, just like she's always there. 

She doesn't want to be there. She wants to be somewhere where the walls aren't crumbling. 

The bright orange sun peaks out over the trees.

Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late. 

But even with the bright sun,

now staring her in the face,

she can't see nothin', nothin' round here. 

Tree

The wind blew fiercely through the meadow, around the house then hit the trees. Blowing the browning and dying leaves from there branches to rest calmly on the forest floor. 

"Mama, what will happen when I get older?"

"Sweetie, you'll grow up, you'll experience great things, and normal things. You'll learn what it means to be a man, you'll learn what it means to love someone and be loved in return. While you're learning all of these important things you can be whatever you want to be. Nobody can stop you and there's no obstacle to large for you to overcome."

He looked up and over, a puzzled look on his face then he saw the dancing trees,"Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a beautiful tree!"

She too followed his gaze to the line of trees behind their house, "Sweetheart, you can be a tree if you want. If you're a tree, you'll be the bathroom for the animals. Home to the birds and bugs. You won't go anywhere but, you'll see a lot of things. Things around you will change people will come and go. Eventually though you're going to be chopped down and people aren't going to care anymore that, one time many years ago you provided a nice bit of shade to sit under."

"Mommy, being a tree sounds sad," He said as he looked down and kicked at the pebbles beneath his feet.

"It is a sad truth my love, about society and they way that trees are seen. It's just a fact, you're probably better off being a rock. You'll get stepped on and thrown around, but at least your branches wont die, your wood won't rot and, you won't spend your whole life providing air for people only to get chopped down and used for a fire. Although, being a rock, doesn't mean that pieces of you aren't going to get lost along the way and being lonely is inevitable," she bent down brushed her sons hair out of his eyes and gave him a gentle kiss as she grabbed his hand, and they continued on there way, hand in hand to the future.